The Lady Did Sink Into The Flote
by MoonlightSalsa
Summary: I rewrote my fic She Sank Into The Sea using an English to Shakespearan translator, and the results are funny as shit, trust me.


**16/3/19: I fixed the capitalizing, which I forgot to do the first time round. Oops. Thanks to the person who commented and told me! **

Jeimy seemeth to has't toldeth a forswear, I knoweth t.

Yeah, the lady doest yond. The lady lies to ev'ryone. Coequal me, bef're I wizen'd up. N'rmally though, the lady's quite valorous at making sure the sooth doesn't surface. But the lady doest slipeth up oft.

Jeimy seemeth to has't toldeth a forswear, the lady hates me.

Yup, the lady hates me good now. T's because of all the times I did manage to catcheth h'r in a forswear and then hath tried to expose h'r to the rest of the town, which backfir'd because the lady's cunning and sexy and all yond and the town's full of idiots who is't followeth h'r liketh sheep with dicks f'r brains.

Those gents're all liketh:

"Oh Jeimy, Miku toldeth me thou art a two-fac'd wh're , but thou art very much quaint and I wanna alas thee so I'll f'rgive thee!"

"Oh Jeimy, Miku hath said thee did lie to ev'ryone about being descend'd from royalty, but thee'll at each moment beest mine own queen teeheehee!"

"Oh Jeimy, I hath heard from Miku yond thee did lie about getting the top marketh in yond hist'ry testeth lasteth week, buts yond's well enow because thee can at each moment cheateth off me at which hour thou art in a pincheth!"

So yeah, the wench hates me because I at each moment tryeth to rid h'r reputation, which is a valorous enow reasoneth to misprise somebody did provide thou art not a walking piece of the horror who is't totally hadst t coming.

I bethink the lady eke hates me because of what hath happened the first timeth we hath met.

T wast something liketh five years ago and the lady'd just hath moved to the snowy wasteland we has't to calleth home, and the lady wast starting at our school. Alloweth's just sayeth h'r snotty attitude madeth me taketh an immediate disliketh towards h'r.

I wonneth't sayeth jump what hath happened because mine own owneth reputation actually tooketh some damageth during yond whole incident, but Inshall sayeth yond t involv'd a bucket of wat'r, a banana and some quaint tasteless jokes.

Not a valorous way to starteth a new stage in thy schooling life, but the lady hadst the brains and the tits to maketh t through, and ev'ryone f'rgave h'r. Coequal so, yond incident is still one of mine own fondest mem'ries. I shall nev'r f'rget the behold on h'r visage coequal if 't be true I recieveth dementia 'r amnesia 'r something liketh yond.

Since yond timeth the smiling me hath met the thee who is't wast crying.

I doth wond'r wherefore h'r parents alloweth h'r receiveth hence with falsing liketh yond. Incompetent adults maketh me very much nimble-footed, thee knoweth.

People sayeth I've at each moment hadst ang'r issues. And t's at each moment the 'nice' ones, aka the ones who is't sayeth "oh, fiddlesticks," instead of letting out a valorous, hearty "fuck!" and seemeth to bethink yond showing any negative emotion whatsoev'r is going 'gainst the ten commandments 'r some the horror liketh yond.

I nev'r truly und'rstand what people cullionly at which hour those gents sayeth i has't ang'r issues. I feeleth as if 't be true those gents cullionly at which hour I recieveth fell p'riod instead of, oh I dunno, the times I did get so nimble-footed I did start breaking stuffeth. I bethink those gents're afraid I'll wend too far one day 'r whatev'r.

I'M quite offend'd by yond actually. Ev'ryone gets nimble-footed oft. And th're art people who is't didst w'rse damageth than me. I rememb'r one timeth, one of the seni'r students did get piss'd off at the teachest'r and did throw his heavy-ass maths booketh at that gent, but that gent did miss and the booketh wenteth through the window.

Thee knoweth mine own mum once hath tried to dissemble me into going to seeth a psychiatrist? doest the lady s'riously bethink th're's something wrong with me? Liketh I hath said, ev'ryone gets nimble-footed oft. T's parteth of life.

I'm getting off track, aren't I? I apologise f'r yond, t's just yond I tend to ramble on about things yond very much grindeth mine own gears, liketh Jeimy. Speaking of which, wh're wast I?

Oh, right.

I wast walking through town heading to the lake, wh're I liketh to wend and walketh 'round oft, at which hour I needeth a breaketh from society and wanteth a lodging to bethink. The lake's almost at each moment frozen ov'r and quite dang'rous because the ice is very much thin in some places so nay one's ev'r th're.

Concluded, be it, I reacheth the path yond leads to the lake and I seeth a flasheth of magenta up ahead of me and I realise t's Jeimy because nay one else in their right mind wears magenta.

I just rememb'r humour rage liketh nev'r bef're, liketh I wast humour liketh I wouldn't needeth mine own doublet anym're because mine own skin hath felt white-hot with ang'r. I rememb'r bethinking what the alas wast wrong with h'r, what madeth h'r bethink the lady hadst the right to invade mine own t'rrit'ry liketh yond?

So I marcheth 'long the path aft'r h'r, but trying to keepeth quiet so the lady wouldn't heareth me. I wast bethinking I'd receiveth revenge on h'r by pushing h'r onto the ice 'r something. I kneweth the lake well enow to knoweth wh're the ice wast thickest so I figur'd t wouldst giveth h'r a nice gallow without much threat of actual dang'r.

I hath reached the endeth of the path and did see h'r standing at the edge of the lake, staring down at the ice. God knoweth what the lady wast doing. I beganeth to creepeth up on h'r, humour as we w're playing hide-and-seek and the lady wast did suppose to beest hiding but hadn't realis'd the lady'd given hence h'r position.

Alloweth's playeth hide-and-seek at the bottom of the ocean.

Then, at which hour I wast haply about thirty centre metres hence, I gaveth h'r this massive did shave. The lady did drop through the ice liketh a stone. The lady did scream, then ceased abruptly at which hour the lady hitteth the ice, and at which hour the lady surfac'd the lady hath continued screaming. Valorous god, can the lady screameth!

T s'rv'd h'r right, though. I did bet the dram wench kneweth i liketh to cometh h're, and hadst cometh h're h'rself just to piss me off. The lady belike coequal did lie to h'r parents about wh're the lady wast going. And anon h're the lady wast, in sub-z'ro temp'rature wat'r, flailing h'r arms about and making some ugly-ass sounds with h'r that from which we speak. God, the lady did look so fucking pathetic liketh yond, I just did want to putteth mine own hands on h'r headeth and pusheth h'r und'r again, just to teachest h'r a lesson.

Yond's jump what I didst. I did dig all ten fing'rs into h'r scalp and did push down hard, all in a matt'r of seconds. T hath felt valorous. T wast invig'rating.

The lady beganeth flailing h'r arms 'round and making blubb'ring sounds from beneath the wat'r but in the heateth of the moment, I tooketh nay noticeth. Those mem'ries cameth backeth me did bite by did bite hours lat'r, but even but now, I wast getting pump'd full of adrenaline and ev'rything hath felt liketh t wast meanteth to beest.

I ceased at which hour I realis'd mine own hands w're getting uncomf'rtingly numb, but by then Jeimy hadst taken h'r lasteth breath. So I stoodeth up, tooketh a stepeth backeth and did look at the whole scene.

Anon yond I wast humour much bett'r, mine own ang'r hadst mostly kicked the bucket hence. I hath felt liketh I couldst processeth things m're clearly.

T wast already beginning to receiveth dark, and I couldst seeth a couple of stars in the sky already. Jeimy wast floating visage down, so silently, so peacefully in blue-black wat'r, did surround by ice. The adrenaline sweaty haste wast wearing off and t s'rt of hitteth me all betimes, how surreal ev'rything wast. I hadst just done ev'ryone a favour. Not yond I wast going to bid those folk yond.

W're thee and the tiny microbes able to cometh to an und'rstanding?

W're thee and the floating plankton able to cometh to an und'rstanding?

At which hour I wenteth home yond night with mine own arms did squeeze in mine own armpits to warmeth those folk up, I smell'd mine own mum making mine own minion dinn'r: nachos with h'r special homemade chilli.

I satteth in front of the fireplace yond night, mine own still-numb hands wrapp'd 'round a mugeth of 'range peeleth tea. Yond wast a quaint most wondrous way to endeth the night, I bethought.

I hath found myself looking f'rward to the next m'rning. Jeimy wouldst beest missing. The whole town w'rld f'rm a searcheth party only to discov'r h'r dead in the lake in yond hideous magenta doublet of h'rs. Just bethinking about yond scene maketh me joyous. I wasn't going to misseth h'r.

Whi is't in their right mind wouldst?

Alloweth's keepeth up this game of deep-sea tag until we runneth out of breath


End file.
